My Yellow Ribbon for Cory

I'm breaking my silence to tie a virtual yellow ribbon for former President and heroine, Corazon C. Aquino.

I wasn't even in first grade when Ninoy died; was just barely in grade school when the EDSA Revolution happened. The years of Cory's presidency were for me, a young girl with a very short-sighted view of the world, a long series of coup attempts and hours-long power interruptions.

It used to always make me wonder why Dad, who usually views politicians with well-deserved cynism, continued to view Cory with utmost respect and only admiration. This, despite the fact that towards the end of her term, her beleaguered administration was derided by the critics from all sides. But for all that can be said about her administration, Cory remained straight - and relinquished power at the end of her term with the same grace she had reluctantly taken it.

It was only on hindsight many years later that I actually came to appreciate her legacy - and how her courage to stand as a beacon in what seemed to be unremitting darkness allowed me to now have the freedoms that I enjoy today.

Whether one believes in Fate or in God, it cannot be denied that her passing comes at a time when the memory of that one glorious moment in time - when the Filipino people came together and showed the world the best of themselves - is so sorely needed. As we remember her and mourn her passing, I hope that in recalling her life and what she stood for, we may be inspired to be our best selves and once more take hold of our nation's destiny with the same courage and conviction.

Paalam, President Aquino. You make me proud to be Filipina. Click here to read the rest of this post.

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday Morning

(WARNING: When I say random, I mean random. Don't throw shoes at me when you get to the end of this and think, "And what exactly was the point of all that?")

It's been a while since I last struck up a conversation with you guys.

Not really because there hasn't been much to talk about, but more because since I no longer share quite as anonymously as I used to, I've had to be a bit careful about giving into my verbal diarrhea and emotional exhibitionism. There are just some things that I'm not quite as comfortable sharing with people who know me - or maybe it would be more appropriate to say, people who think they know me.

So why am I doing in front of my laptop instead of using this extra morning time (because I set my alarm too early) to blow-dry my hair?

Because I can't help these occasional descents into random babbling, that's why. Even when the only audience is my keyboard.

I've been toying around with the idea of taking up pole dancing. Seriously! It's supposed to be a great upper body and core work out and heaps of fun - and I just may be light enough these days to actually lift my body weight on a pole without pulling my arms from out of their sockets. Plus, and more importantly, it's something I would never do back home - something which is fast becoming my battle cry these days.

I have no illusions about my dancing ability - as one of my friends put it, I have the grace of a pregnant elephant. But it sounds like fun. And while dancing is probably at the bottom of the barrel as far as my skills go, I actually love doing it especially when no one else is watching. Or at least no one who knows me (and knows I can't dance) is watching. So what better place to learn to pole dance but in this city where no one knows me, in a country where one of the prevailing philosophies is, "live and let live?"

Obviously, it's really self-consciousness that's a curse. And for some reason - I don't really have a lot of time to do actual research on this right now, but I'm sure it's written down somewhere - Filipinos seem to have an overdeveloped sense of "what-will-people-think-itis." Probably because, as a people, we Filipinos have no qualms scrutinizing the lives of perfect strangers and indulging in thoughts along the lines of, "what-in-the-world-are-they-thinking-doing-that-itis!"

Which is why most of us just sit in the sidelines and watch the brave, crazy people doing their thing and having the time of their lives - not really caring that they look funny doing so. And why most of us may laugh and pretend to be appalled by what we see, but inside, we're really just that little bit envious and wishing we had the guts to do that, too.

I'm currently reading a self-published booklet of thoughts written by a 36 year old man who is terminally ill with ALS - like Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie. He's the very good friend of one of the people I share a house with, and it's the copy that he gave her that I'm reading. He's been battling with the disease for two years now, and, suffice it to say, he hasn't been winning. Which is why he's decided to distill his take on the meaning of life into that little booklet.

It's been interesting reading so far. At times he gets very abstract and a bit difficult to understand - or maybe that's because I was plodding though some parts at two in the morning - but it's a very real reminder of how short and how precious life is coming from someone who knows that his time may soon be up.

One of the things he cites is how toddlers - who are almost as mobile as us but still not fully verbal - live their lives so differently and so naturally compared to how we live them as adults, trapped in all our abstractions. As he puts it, toddlers' only pre-conditioned physiologic motivations are to QUESTION, MOVE, EXPLORE, CREATE, RELATE, and feel JOY.

"Joy is the natural outcome and quality of the organism, expressing and doing what it desires to unimpeded by external guilt or shame."

Basically, he points out that with all our complicated, adult verbal views and self-conceptions, we've basically managed to limit ourselves from drawing on those basic motivations and finding joy - or basically, living life.

And he poses some interesting questions as well.

"No matter what you do, how much you save, who you know, where you go, what you believe - you're going to cease to exist, always sooner than you think. Do you do what you do because you assume (it will) make you live longer? Or do you live knowing your life is on loan, and the only thing that matters is your daily experience of your life?"

As I said, interesting stuff.

All that being said, I hope that the pole dancing school will get back to me on the whether we can get around class schedule issues that conflict with my weird roster. And if it doesn't? I'm sure I'll find something else.

Okay - off to work now!

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Christmas Out of the Box

In spite of my efforts to be positive about my first Christmas away from home, it was still difficult not to feel homesick and lonely and just a little bit sorry for myself as I ate my lonely Noche Buena of chili-flavored cream cheese, crackers, and hospital-issue minestrone soup in the doctors' office on Christmas eve. I realized that even our past Christmases at work did not prepare me for the impact of spending Christmas so alone, so very far away.

I decided to work through the holidays simply because I didn't really have any plans with other people - and I figured being alone on Christmas at work beat a microwaved meal passing for Christmas eve feasting at home.

Despite being at work, as I ate my meager repast, I couldn't help but imagine what I was missing. The raucous, cheerful atmosphere around the table at home at the same moment, with aunts, uncles, cousins, and my immediate family, feasting over Mom's kare-kare, Dad's dinuguan, and all sorts of gastronomic goodies Filipino and continental; the mayhem of family sitting in front of the tree, exchanging gifts and tearing open packages. I've always been a bit of a Christmas scrooge, but being far away has heightened my appreciation of the family rituals surrounding it.

The long distance phone call my family placed from my Aunt's house where the clan was gathered for Noche Buena (which was inevitably cut off mid-call) and hearing everyone's good wishes were pale substitutes for actually being there.

I didn't really set out to spend the holidays alone, but it would have been too complicated to shuffle my schedule to accommodate an out-of-town trip to visit family and friends across the continent despite the sincere invites I'd gotten from them months in advance. Besidses, all of my Perth friends have opted to spend the holidays over east, and most of my family in Melbourne have flown off to spend Christmas in Manila. As I sat alone in the doctors' office through the night, waiting for admissions and referrals and fighting off a monster headache due to working three nights in a row, I thought I should have made an effort of get time off instead of braving my first Christmas alone, but it was too late to do anything about it but make do.

After I realized I had missed morning Mass (the only one for the day in my small parish), I came home from work this morning hoping that I was exhausted enough to sleep through the day. But I was awake by early afternoon, and all alone in a very quiet house because my other housemates probably had plans to spend the days with their friends and family. For late Christmas lunch, I microwaved a portion of roast Chicken I had bought a few days ago with a generous dollop of spicy Mang Tomas lechon sauce to remind me of home, which I ate at the table with my landlady's cat for company.

Determined to shake off my funk with an endorphin high, I decided to head off for the beach and go for a run. It was the best choice I made all day, as the summer sunshine and the brisk breeze off the beautiful, green Indian ocean melted a good portion of my blues away. It was a good reminder that while there are things to be homesick about, being here has definitely had some great rewards - and being able to run along the coast I loved on a whim was one of them.

I topped off my strange, solitary Christmas day with more comfort food in the form of Lucky Me instant pancit canton reserved for special occasions like this one, as I finished off the opened bottle of bubbly in the fridge. The best part of the late evening, though, was long-distance conversations with well-missed friends whose voices I was so glad to hear. And as my night wound down, I realized that the day hadn't been quite so bad after all.

Yes, I survived my solitary Christmas out of the box. Still, nothing beats being able to spend Christmas at home - and, God-willing, I'm hoping that's just where I will be this same time next year, even if it takes some schedule juggling.

So I'm sending special wishes to everyone out there like me spending this holiday season far away from home, making do with friends, surrogate families, and long-distance phone calls in lieu of being with their loved ones. Merry Christmas and all the best to you - and may the love and warmth of family and friends reach out to embrace you even if they are oceans away, no matter where you are.
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The Power to Choose

photo found via google. i don't know who took it, sorry!

I am a Christian. I have been raised and educated as a devout Catholic and am fairly active in my church. But I am also a doctor, and this is one issue where my personal beliefs and dogma and I do not see eye to eye.

And I agree that it's past time that a Reproductive Health Bill in the Philippines was passed - and executed.

It's a delayed reaction to a fairly dated issue, but I felt so strongly about the topic that I couldn't resist.

I am pro-choice but I do not believe in induced abortions. This is something that I, as a doctor, would never do for any patient. But what I don't understand is the mass hysteria being drummed up by about the issue of artificial means of contraception.

Just reading the statistics alone is already quite convincing. The Philippines is among #15 in Asia with the highest maternal mortality rates - the top causes of which are hemorrhage and abortion, of which a significant number are induced. Many of these deaths are preventable - by adequate nutrition, proper spacing between pregnancies, and, yes, even limiting family size.

How is teaching the largely ignorant populace about responsible parenthood and providing them with means to practice it an affront to the dignity of life? How does seeing the logic behind a smaller family size and wanting to prevent unplanned pregnancies make those of us who are for this bill akin to murderers?

There are those who feel that sex education, education about artificial contraceptive methods, and providing free access to artificial contraceptives somehow encourages a culture of promiscuity. Frankly, I think this argument is flawed on several levels, not the least of which is that it seriously undermines the people that they are seeking to protect. Besides this, the reality is that, despite our largely conservative-leaning society, increasing sexual activity among the young and unmarried is actually quite prevalent and has been for some time. Turning a blind eye to this reality and sticking our head in the sand will not make it go away.

I think, that for me as a doctor, the most convincing argument for family planning, responsible parenthood, and sex education was working in the OB Admitting Section every three days for several weeks as a medical student, then as an intern.

The concept of a woman having more than 3 kids for me simply boggles the mind, but there I saw countless grand multiparas (women who have given birth more than 5 times) reaching their status before the age of 30, already on baby number 6 or 7. I'd had to assist at emergency hysterectomies for these women with overused uteruses that refused to contract after delivery, causing them to bleed and bleed and threatening to leave their many children motherless.

On the other end of the spectrum were the young primis - the youngest in my experience was 14, just in her first year of high school, who never had a single pre-natal consult prior to delivery. I can't imagine what kind of parenting these young girls can offer their babies, not when they were hardly out of childhood themselves and were now forced to grow up much too soon.

And then there were the women who came in for induced abortions that were not completed, septic, bleeding, and often on the brink of death. It was both fascinating and appalling how creative and innovative some of these very desperate women would be in trying to terminate their unwanted pregnancies, turning to methods ranging from the sedate to the bizarre. Some are lucky enough to make it through. Some are not.

Do I believe passing the Reproductive Health Act will change the stories of the women who I've talked about above? Maybe, maybe not. But let's not lose sight of the fact that in the end, no one but the couples themselves can dictate what they do in their bedroom, in their sex life, and in their family lives. No one can argue with that. Isn't it then only right that they are given the chance to make informed choices?

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Hitting Panic

photo by Krysten

I already have a flight date, almost all of my papers are in, and it seems as if all systems are really go. I've completed most of my shopping, and I have enough time to finish sorting out my stuff before I leave if I start doing it now.

Everything seems to be almost ready but me.

Can someone tell me where the brakes are?

I thought I'd had ample time to get my head around the fact that I am going to be leaving my entire life behind to start anew in a city I have never been to, where I do not know a single soul, away from everything I know and everyone I love. But D-day is approaching so much faster than I thought it would.

The urge to cling to the familiar is overpoweringly strong. The excitement of a new adventure is tempered by a good dose of fear, guilt, and sadness at the thought of leaving my support system behind. As the days to my departure wind down from one to the next, I have to stop myself from frantically looking for an escape hatch.

Talk about being careful what you wish for!

My friends are more excited for me than I am at this point. I guess it's easier for them to keep my life in perspective - that this is only going to be for a year (at least for now), that I need this change and the experience will be good for me, and, if the worst happens, I can always come home. Their encouragement is my lifeline and one of the biggest reasons I haven't exercised my right to change my mind.

Frankly, I still have no idea what I am doing - and I think that's a pretty good excuse to give in to panic every now and then, don't you? But despite my panic, I'm seeing this through with faith that the courage to jump is a real prelude to learning how to fly.

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Finding Caramoan, Part 2

We spent a couple of hours in Sabitang Laya swimming and getting sunburned in the noontime sun. After eating another packed lunch bought from Bigg's at the mainland (that food came a long way!), we packed up our makeshift picnic and prepared to move to the next destination.

Our late night finally caught up with us during the boat ride to our next stop - the island of Basud. Despite the narrow confines of the boat, we were all nodding off, lulled to sleep by the wind in our faces and the boat's gentle bobbing. It was low tide as we pulled up on one of Basud's beaches. It was not as beautiful or as inviting as Sabitang Laya, but our guide, Nene, told us snorkeling was good here just a few feet from the shore.

However, we unanimously vetoed the idea. Instead, we picked a spot under the trees and proceeded to have an afternoon beach bum siesta, as we lay cooled by the brisk breeze off the water. And we were all treated to fresh buko on the island before we set off for our last stop.

afternoon siesta at Basud Island

We only had enough time for another island because we had to head back to Caramoan before dark, and Nene decided to take us to the shrine of Our Lady of Peace. The shrine is located on top of a high hill - 526 steps high, to be exact - on the island of Tabgon. Even from afar, the alabaster white figure of the Virgin Mary beckoned to travelers - and promised of a full view of the entire peninsula from that vantage point.

As we approached the island of Tabgon, it was apparent that this was not going to be one of Caramoan's white sand paradise islands. Tabgon is more an agricultural center, with its crab farms, fish pens, and rice fields. Our boat was soon surrounded by murky brown waters as we approached the island pier, its concrete steps leading straight into the water. We all thought we were going to dock there, but the low tide forced our boat to stop several meters away from the shore. We would have to walk the rest of the way - in mud.

walking from Tabgon to our boat

Comforted by the presence of my slippers, I plodded uncertainly through the knee-deep water, the mud sucking at my flip-flops. Unfortunately my flip-flops had other ideas, and one gave way halfway through. I spent the rest of the walk barefoot and trying to ignore the image of all sorts of unthinkables I could be stepping into.

The 526 steps leading to the shrine are carved on the steep hillside and was an impossibly long way up. Last Holy Week, the island had been overrun by pilgrims who had come to pay homage to Our Lady by making the climb. When we got to the foot of the steps, we were stunned to see the people of Tabgon of all ages making the climb with sacks of earth on their backs to help with the completion of the shrine at the top.

locals bringing up bags of soil

I am ashamed to say that no amount of persuasion could get me past step 260-something, roughly halfway though. The view at halfway up was already quite impressive, but even the enticing call of the panorama at the top wasn't enough for me to overcome my fear of heights. Even from below, I could see there were some flights with no banisters. Given how steep the steps were, how could I not look down and be terrified - with nothing to hold on to? Out of the question.

the view from halfway mark

My other travel buddies had no such qualms and plodded on. With frequent rests in between flights, they managed to make it to the top and were rewarded by an amazing view of the islands spread before them in a breathtaking vista. They stayed to watch the sunset over the bay before painfully making their way back down - which was pretty hard on the knees.

pushing for the top

We headed back to Caramoan town in the dusk. Dark was falling inexorably over the islands, with no electric lights to counter it anywhere along the shore. We were as far removed from the city as we could ever be, and I marveled at the simplicity of a life so one with nature. As we pulled into Bikal Port just as the last light of the sun was fading, I was stunned at the magnitude of the silence that fell once the boat's motor was shut down. It was a quiet that begged for whispers, the faint sounds of a videoke machine playing in the distance notwithstanding.

Bikal at dusk

Starving from the day's activities, we went straight to dinner at nearby Camalig Grill, just a few steps away from our motel. We wanted to end the evening with a hearty drinking session, but our tired bodies were not up to it. After a single beer each outside our rooms, we all gave in to exhaustion and went straight to bed.

Caramoan Church

The next morning, the early risers heard Sunday mass at 6AM in the beautiful red brick church of Caramoan. After a heavy breakfast, we were on the road again - back to Guijalo port where we would were to catch the 9AM boat going back to Sabang. The weather, which had been nothing but sun the previous day, took a turn for the worse and we were once more greeted by rain.

We missed the 9AM boat by five minutes - and had to wait for two hours before a passenger boat would arrive from Sabang and make a return trip. Local authorities discouraged us from chartering a small boat to travel such a long distance given the weather. In one of those funny coincidences, after our boat finally arrived, it was carrying a group of our former interns, who were also exploring Caramoan for the first time.

Guijalo port in the rain

Thankfully, the rain stopped on our way back, and the ride was surprisingly quite smooth. We decided to do as the natives did and rode outside the boat, all the more easy to watch the beautiful scenery. The green was cooler to the eyes this time, the sea was a cobalt blue, and the forest was shrouded by mist. But our luck didn't hold for very long, and the rain came pouring down again right before we docked at Sabang.




After a short stop at Camsur Watersports Complex so that Queenie could try the kneeboard and the rest of us could try the incredible laing pizza, we were finally on our way back to cosmopolitan Manila - and arrived in the wee hours of Monday morning. How's that for cutting it close?

Was it worth the trip? Most definitely! Living up to its hype, Caramoan is truly an untouched, barely discovered paradise that is worth visiting again and again and again. What can I say? I am completely in love - twelve hour trip be damned.

Note to self, though (and to anyone else who is interested in going) - next time we plan a trip to this incredible place, we should make block off at least three days to really make the most of our stay. But, yes, there is definitely going to be a next time!

So, are any of you free this coming May? Let me know if you have plans - I would love to tag along.
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Disturbing Behavior

photo still from Grey's Anatomy

Having been figuratively removed from the world for the past few days, I almost completely missed the explosion of the Vicente Sotto Medical Memorial Center Video Scandal into the Philippine media firmament. Now, because of some unthinking, insensitive, and generally stupid health care workers' behavior, the medical profession is once more being given the spotlight - and not in a good way.

My resident batchmates and I discussed this issue over dinner last Saturday. Having been trained in charity teaching hospitals, we are not unfamiliar with being surrounded with so many young student spectators, whether nurses or medical students, while in the heat of an urgent medical procedure - like an urgent intubation or even an on-going resuscitation.

Despite this understanding and experience, my batchmates and I were all hard put to justify the behavior of the nurses and doctors who are involved in the above case. While at the time, I had not yet seen the video, the mere narrative of what had transpired disturbed me. More so after I had.

As a medical resident, I have often taught my medical clerks and interns bedside with the patients themselves. Patients with textbook clinical findings are asked if it is okay for them to be made clinical learning material for medical students during consultant rounds. While their personal information is never divulged, some of these patients' clinical history and course are discussed lengthiliy over medical conferences in order for medical trainees to gain insight on managing similar cases in the future.

The nature of medical education hinges on the principle "see one, do one, and teach one." Unfortunately, there is much we cannot learn by mere lectures and working with dummies - and even more that we must learn with practice. When patients have themselves admitted in a charity hospital, they tacitly agree to becoming "learning material" for medical students and nurses in exchange for not paying fees charged by private hospitals which they cannot afford. If circumstances were different, I am sure the patients would never have chosen to be admitted to a charity institution in the first place, but circumstances simply force them to take the lesser evil of being taken cared of by medical trainees like myself than not being treated at all.

To be fair, I did not see anything technically wrong with the way the procedure was done. I have read blog reactions to this video, and some have commented about the way someone was shouting instructions while the patient was being operated on. This is standard practice in surgery, where the primary surgeon tells his first and second assists to maneuver instruments in such a way that he can perform the procedure with optimal light and exposure. He also needs to do this to inform the scrub nurse which instruments he will need next. In every operation, there is also a "circulating nurse," who does not "scrub in" so that he can retrieve things that are needed outside the operating field so that the team that is already "sterile" remains so.

Also, it is not uncommon for interesting surgical cases to be documented by video or still photos for future teaching purposes, although a patient's consent is always secured before this is done. It is also not uncommon for such cases to be observed by young trainees. Those of you who watch Grey's Anatomy are familiar with the viewing deck for the interns that overlooks the operating theatre where surgeries take place. Unfortunately, in the Philippines, we do not have the luxury of a similar viewing deck. So while the number of people in the OR is often regulated, students are allowed to observe some surgeries at ground level.

The above could explain why there were so many people in the OR that day and why perhaps an "official" video was being made. However, this does not justify the way that even the student observers were taking out their phone cameras and taking pictures of the patient, who was in no state to prevent them from doing so. That a copy of such a video was uploaded on a public server and could be accessed by anyone from anywhere in the world smacks of insensitivity and disrepect beyond the bounds of professional ethics. It completely disrespects the social mores by which we live.

The primary surgeon also shares some fault here, because as "captain of the ship" it was within his power to control the number of people in the OR that day. Instead, for whatever reason, he allowed it to be a spectacle for whoever "usiosero" wanted to come in and watch and tape. The mood of anticipation and underlying amusement was palpable and translated through the camera quite clearly.

The video is no longer on YouTube, but the damage has been done and is not easily repaired.

Again to be fair, laughter is - fortunately or unfortunately, depending on one's perspective - a common form of stress release for those of us in the medical profession. Humor is one valve which we must use from time to time to cope with the enormity of the responsibility we carry from day to day. The "baby out!" expression and the cheering could have been an expression of relief that the operation - by no means as simple or as easy as it looks - was a success, without any untoward events. But these expressions take on a new and less innocent meaning when one of the medical personel takes the canister, faces it to one of the cameras, and sprays it for no good reason. To me, it crosses the line between benign amusement into mockery.

This patient, regardless of the absurdity of his dilemma, certainly deserves much better than he was dealt. He may have been divested of his medical ailment, but the mockery and the humiliation that this incident has caused him has magnified his suffering several times over.

I am a doctor, and I am ashamed.

The public is, understandably, enraged that something like this can happen. Aside from feeling sorry for the violated patient (the fact that the video does not show his face at any point notwithstanding), it triggers that visceral fear in every mind with regards to becoming patients and the power doctors have over them. "What if I go into surgery and this happens to me? What if I get sick, and I have to expose myself - will they be laughing at me, too? Are they making me into a guinea pig?"

This incident has eroded into the already-precarious relationship between the doctor and the patient. Even if in their minds people do know that they cannot make a sweeping generalization that all nurses and doctors are like the ones who were seen in this clip, the gut fear will always be there now that there is solid proof that something like this could happen. It has tarnished once more the image of doctors in the country, at a time when we are being demonized as it is.

I just hope that the public will keep in mind that this incident is an exception rather than the rule. The good majority of medical professionals do not take their oath as lightly and continue to practice medicine to the best of their abilities to ensure their patients' well-being.

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Heroism Not Required

If more people were willing to tilt at windmills, our country would be a better place.

I'd like to believe that people have their hearts at the right place, they just don't think there's much they can do as one person. I, for one, am guilty of this.

We are an optimistic people. As Filipinos, it is inherent in us to hope, for a better country, for a brighter future. But, as a wise friend of mine recently said, that hope must broaden into responsibility. To realize our hopes, we must also learn to become responsible for making them happen.

Not all of us are cut out to be heroes. But this does not mean that there is nothing more we can do.

Nina, freelance writer, blogger, and Team RP officer, has some suggestions on what the less heroic among us can do to make a difference. (I'm reposting her blog post in almost its entirety here with her permission. I've edited a little for brevity, but you can read the entire post here.)

7 Ways to Help Save the Philippines While Sitting Down

Whether you're an office worker glued to your desk for most of the week, a Net junkie who loves blogs and social networking sites, an overseas Filipino looking to connect back to home, or simply someone with something to say, the power to set this country right is within your reach.

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In these times of social unrest, when media focus hops from one controversy and "crisis" to another, Filipinos everywhere are saying, "I don't want to condone these actions, but I don't know how I can help." They resign themselves to the fact that corruption exists everywhere, that their well-intentioned actions may not amount to anything, and that it's perhaps best to leave political action to the politicians. After all, they would reason out, politics is dirty business.

Maybe politics has become the dirty, bastardized creation that it is today precisely because we, the citizens, have let go of it. We left it up to the crooks, the unscrupulous, the malicious, and the ethically ignorant to take hold of it,thereby strangling us and taking the power away from the real state: the people. In a supposedly democratic government such as ours, we should be part of the political process and this doesn't end during elections.

We have the power to save the Philippines. And we can do it even while sitting down.

1. Be informed. The first step to conquering anything is to know what it is. Wherever you are in the world, stay in touch with the Philippines through online news sources. You can check out www.inquirer.net for comprehensive news articles, as well as podcasts and blog entries. Of course, a lot of us also read the Inquirer for its thought-provoking and often-controversial columnists. If you want meatier stuff, check out www.newsbreak.com.ph. This hard-hitting publication may have ended its print run, but its online presence shows that nothing will stop Marites Vitug and her staff from getting to the bottom of the news. If you want something with a dose of TV on it, log on to www.abs-cbnnews.com or www.gmanews.tv.

There are also some great non-news sites that offer bite-sized, thought-provoking content. My favorites include www.ted.com, our very own WhyNot? Forum (www.whynotforum.com), and ChangeThis (www.changethis.com).

2. Share your thoughts and ideas over the Web. Now is probably the best time in human history to be expressive and outspoken. The Internet has given us tremendous power, and we can harness it by broadcasting our thoughts and ideas over the Web - which is the most democratic space we have seen so far. If you want to develop your own "fan base" and position yourself as a thought leader, start a blog. (Just be a tad more productive than Brian Gorrell, please.) If you think blogging is too tiresome, post your comments to news article, features, blog entries, etc. People do pay attention to comments, so go ahead and make them.

3. Read other people's blogs. Tit for that: if you want people to listen to - er, read - what you have to say, return the favor. Technorati's Top 100 Filipino blogs include:
* Jessica Zafra's http://jessicarulestheuniverse.com/
* Manolo Quezon's The Daily Dose
* Inside PCIJ (www.pcij.org/blog)
* Jim Paredes' Writing on Air
* Butch Dalisay's Pinoy Penman
* Newsstand (www.newsstand.blogs.com)

Some other blogs that haven't quite made it to Technorati's list, but which I love anyway (aside from them being my friends' blogs) are Harvey Keh's and Benjie dela Pena's.

4. Participate in online discussions. Let's face it - whether you openly admit to it or not, you have political opinions, and would love to share them with others who would care enough to listen. Online discussions allow for a democratic sharing of ideas, encourage critical discernment on issues, and allow for an emergence of various viewpoints which are essential to critical decision-making. As a people, we need to listen to each other and consider each other's perspectives if we are to arrive at intelligent decisions and actions.

Now that 2010 is just around the corner, perhaps we should start discussing among ourselves what qualities we think are important for a true leader, and which of the public figures around us really do exhibit and live out these qualities.

5. Sign online petitions and campaigns. Online petitions and campaigns have the potential to wield great power over political and social action because they help educate people about issues and gauge public opinion. A successful signature campaign trains media's lenses on particular issues and forces public figures to make important decisions or stands on concerns that would otherwise be left in the back burner. It encourages discourse and debate, legislative action, and policy reforms.

For instance, we at Team RP have an ongoing signature campaign pushing for the Philippine Access to Information Law (PAIL). In our quest for truth, accountability, and reforms in Philippine government we saw that, while freedom to information is enshrined in our Constitution, there are no enabling laws that ensure this right. Whenever one goes to a government office to request for public information, the burden is left to the citizen to prove why he or she needs this information. It should be the other way around: government should offer access to public information, and the burden of proof should be on them if they do not make this information available. We are currently aiming for 10,000 signatures so that we can begin engaging media and incumbent legislators to file such a bill and enact such a law. Those who wish to support the campaign for PAIL may email team.rp.pail@gmail.com.

You can play an active role in strengthening Philippine policies by signing such petitions and campaigns. And it won't even take you two minutes.

6. Share information with your friends and online buddies. Don't you hate it when friends forward useless chain letters? I do, I really do, and I find it amazing that people actually believe that stuff like this works. I would rather forward information that people will find useful and relevant, such as news about new rules and policies that will affect their industries or their daily lives, information on breakthrough ideas or movements that will benefit a great number of people, new causes and organizations that people can support, or even trivia and tips that will make people think and, perhaps, help them make small but useful changes in their daily routine. Information is power, and it is something that we cannot take for granted. When you've got useful information, pass it on and spread the love.

7. Use the power of the Net to recruit members and solicit donations to worthy causes. There are so many great and worthy causes out there that need all kinds of support - from volunteer time, to material donations and in-kind support, to donations and financial support. Likewise, there are many of us who are looking for "something to do" or something to which we can contribute, but we just don't know where to look. We can do both cause-oriented groups and do-gooders a favor by patching them up online. It won't take much time or effort: simply forward messages about causes and movements to friends, family members, and online buddies, then let them build their "relationship" on their own. Who knows? Something great might come out of it someday and they'd have YOU to thank for it.

It really doesn't have to take so much of your time, energy, and resources to help save the Philippines. Each of us can realistically do only what is accessible and interesting to us, so take advantage of online resources to do as much good as you can with the least amount of effort. You'd be surprised at how the daily act of contributing and sharing information can make a big difference in a country that is still enveloped in ignorance and intellectual poverty. And you won't even have to get up from your chair.

I know that I, for one, am not made to tilt at windmills. But I do hope. I do care. And because I do, I choose to be responsible - even if it's only in my own little way. And that's the challenge to each of us.

"If each drop of water were to say, 'One drop does not make an ocean,' there would be no sea."


Collectively, our one drop can make a difference - no heroism required.

****

You are all invited to the first ever Team RP General Assembly on April 26, 2008, 1 pm at the Club Filipino. Interested parties can read more about Team RP and the event over here. Website and on-line forum are still being developed and will be coming soon. Wake up, fellow sleepwakers!

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Love in the Land of Gata and Sili

photo from flickr

It's true. I admit it. I am no longer going to fight the urge to tell the world at large that I am utterly, absolutely, head-over-heels in love...

... with Bicol food.

I don't know if you've noticed how I've avoided blogging about food all these months. This, of course, does not signify my indifference to food... quite the opposite, in fact! I absolutely love food, of almost any kind (as long as no creepy-crawlies or weird animals are part of the menu). Which is why I don't trust myself to make reliable reviews, hoity-toity or otherwise - to me, it's all good.

I'm making an exception in this case and devoting an entire post to Bicol food because I am, obviously, completely taken in by the cuisine. What's not to love?

Fresh coconut milk - check! Chili peppers in abundant quantity - check! Fresh vegetables - check! Super fresh fish, shrimp, crab, and other varieties of seafood - check, check, check, CHECK! I could rest my case right there, but I will go on and show you guys how huge a gourmand I can be.

I fell in love with it when my friends and I stayed in Daet a few months ago, and I had my first sample of the true Bicolandia home cooking. Some people may argue that my memories of that first encounter have been swayed by the enormous quantities of food rather than its quality, but that is so not true.




Before then, I only had a vague acquaintance with Bicol express and laing. But after days of living on the day's freshest catch made even more yum-yum appetizing by this concoction called "sinantol" - a mix of shrimp and santol rind cooked soft in coconut milk - I became a convert and am now wondering why there aren't any restaurants in Manila carrying this great stuff. It's awesome with shrimp, fish, crab... what am I saying, it's just plain awesome!

When we went back to Bicol a few weeks ago, there wasn't enough time to prepare "sinantol" for us - apparently it takes time for the rind to soften. As a substitute, we were served "iba" - kamias fruit cooked in shrimp and coconut milk - that's similar to the "sinantol" and just as heavenly with the feast of seafood they served it with.

Then there was this dish called "pinangat" which is made of taro leaves wrapped around this mushy stuff (such sophisticated culinary lingo, girl!) with some chopped shrimp and I don't know what else, all awash in coconut milk and chili. Amazing stuff.

picture by verenitagreen

A caveat for those who are trying to cut their carbs - Bicol food is really made to be eaten with rice. Lots and lots of it. It was at Daet that my fellow food-worshiper friends and I named identified "The Kanin-Ulam Conundrum." It is that very Pinoy phenomenon of not quite being able to stop filling your plate until the amount of viand on it is just enough for the amount of rice on it to make the last spoonful. Quite often though, it's usually that stopping point when you can't really eat anything more.

Since I've already mentioned laing, I can't very well end my post without extolling the virtues of Camsur Watersports Center's amazing Bicol Special Pizza. Topped with cheese, laing, and shrimp cooked in coconut milk, I fell in love with this 8-inch wonder just as quickly as I stumbled into love of all things Bicol. While certain friends of mine (particularly the native Bicolana) insist that Laing is best eaten with rice, my other Manila friends and I (not knowing any better) swear by the pizza being an adequate substitute.




I could go on and on about it, but Bicol food is best experience to be believed. So if anyone can let me know the name of any restaurant that serves this awesome cuisine in Manila, I'll be eternally grateful. Otherwise, I'm going to have to wait for our next trip back - which, given my current infatuation with the wonderful region itself - will be hopefully very soon.

(Okay, now it's pretty obvious why I don't do food posts. :))

****

Post-script: I know people are wondering what happened to that Caramoan trip I was telling you guys about... well, we made it, and we had a wonderful time. And... no rain until the last day. I'm going to work on writing about that particular trip soon, so watch out for it. In the meantime, I suggest you guys start planning your trips while it's still an undiscovered paradise! :)

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The Lucky Ones

I grew up in the art and practice of medicine in one of the largest tertiary charity hospitals in the Philippines, the UP Philippine General Hospital.

As a leading charity referral center, we received patients coming from all over the country. Most of them, if not all, could ill-afford the medical services they sorely needed. Most, if not all, were riddled by diseases given free reign to wreak havoc on the landscapes of their bodies until they were all but unsalvageable. PGH, for these patients, often became the bastion of last resort.

Even as a medical student, I would see emaciated patients with lumps as big as a melons on various parts of their bodies who would tell me that they have been growing the masses for months. Or the elderly patients with feet all swollen and reeking of gangrene saying their wounds had been there for weeks. Or patients in severe diabetic emergencies who have not been taking any anti-diabetes medications since they were diagnosed. I have heard stories of the same kind from different patients, with different diseases, from all over the country too many times to count.

Frustration was my constant companion. While after so many years I would already know the answer, I couldn't help but ask them anyway. "Why did you wait so long? Why come only now, when there's not much more we can do for you?"

The response was constant as well. They would shrug almost apologetically and say without mincing words, "Ngayon lang po kasi kami nagkapera, dok."(We were only able to come up with enough money now.) Their silent gazes of mixed helplessness and painful hope were heartbreaking. Often all the more so because I knew that without capital and given the late extent of their diseases, there's really not much I could do to help them.

Sure as day, whatever little money these patients have with them runs out within their first day at the hospital. And while there are institutions that could be tapped for assistance, both by the families and by the residents (who are doctors and social workers at the same time), when working with disease, time is a constant and ruthless enemy.

While all of us has had many success stories, both through the generosity of benefactors or sometimes by sheer divine providence, we have also had to watch patients slip away all too often when all that would have been needed to save them was a regular dose of IV antibiotics or other medications regularly given. Or an operation that could not not be done on time because until the last minute, the relatives were still looking for the money.

It was always hard to lose patients this way, but it was a hard reality we came to live with - and had to learn to accept, if, as trainees, we were to stay sane.

On hindsight, I realize now that these PGH patients were actually the lucky ones - because they were the ones who were able to reach our hospital at all. Poor as these patients are, they are not even the poorest of the poor in terms of health care in the Philippines.

The poorest of the poor are those who live in remote places that are hours of travel away - whether by boat, by jeep, by tricycle, or on foot - from any form of health care delivery system. The poorest of the poor are those who live in areas accessible by transport in the heart of the city but cannot even muster the fare to come. The poorest of the poor are those who do not even know where their next meal will be coming from and live from day to day - and will certainly not prioritize a visit to a doctor who will only prescribe medicine they will not be able to afford anyway.

The reason behind this can be over-simplified into one painfully obvious problem: we simply have no budget for health care. Can I offer any solution to this problem? The answer there is painfully obvious as well.

So in the meantime, I and others of my ilk will continue to be small cogs in the wheel of the Philippine Health Care system - a system that does what it can, ill-equipped, severely underfunded, but always working with the best of intentions. But until things can be changed, inequity in health care will continue to be a fact of Philippine life. All that others can hope for is to be among "the lucky ones" as well.

****



See the rest of The Blog Rounds, 6th ed, over at Merry Cherry's place.

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The Blog Rounds 3 - At a Crossroads

Welcome to the Middle of Nowhere and the 3rd Edition of The Blog Rounds!

Before anything else, I'd like to thank all the medical bloggers who participated in this edition of The Blog Rounds for their enthusiastic response. Many new voices have been added this week - and I am hoping this won't be the last time they will be joining our particular chorus! Given the very personal nature of the topic for the week, the honesty and candor of all the bloggers have made it a joy to read the stories they have chosen to share.

Now, I would like to help them share their stories with all of you.

Without further ado, I bring you TBR 3 - At a Crossroads.

****

The nitty-gritty of the pursuit to the elusive M.D. and beyond is a mystery to most. In Crossroads and Crossed Roads, Dr. Em Dy sets the stage by detailing the major crossroads in every doctor's life.

There are as many reasons behind the choice to pursue a medical career as there are doctors. But as Doc Tes skeptically points out in her native Cebuano, one favorite reason given by aspiring medical students in their interviews is the catch-all reason, "To Serve Humanity."

Given the difficulty of the journey, the choice to continue is presented to one time and again, and, ultimately, not everyone decides to go into clinical practice or even to finish medicine. Kitty Mama was once a doctor-in-training who made the choice to leave that life for a new one. In Margarita, she talks about her experience of being exposed to the hospital for the very first time - one event that she used to sustain her during her stay as a medical trainee. Bubbleman, on the other hand, chooses the Other road much later in his medical journey. In On Choices, he attempts to tell us why he is no longer practicing medicine and to connect the dots of his choices into a pattern that makes sense.

Being at the cusp of a new phase in your life, on a new road you have chosen, can both be exhilarating and terrifying. Merry Cherry, a young doctor to the barrio, recalls the terrifying feeling of anticipation before her deployment and shares her thoughts on where she is more than a year after she first began this particular journey. In Roadkill, new graduate Kai describes the feeling of literally being in the driver's seat for the first time and makes this experience a metaphor for her life in the near future. Doc Whisperer shares with us a poem about the changes that can follow making a choice in Crossroads.

The end of any chapter in a doctor's life always leads to a crossroad - which can sometimes translate into a dead end. In my post, "Stop, World, I'm Getting Off!," I explain my choice to slow down a career that is going too fast for my liking in order to figure out where I want to go. Manggy describes the end of medical school as his Pre-Life Crisis and draws a blank on what to do next as he stands at the crossroads of choosing where to practice medicine. Angel-No-More finds herself at a crossroads of a different sort, as she comes to some realizations upon reaching the big 3-0.

To others, however, coming to a crossroads when one reaches the end of their training causes their life to open up. Midnight Rainbow, in her post Ang Biyahe ng Buhay Ko, likens her life to a highway and talks about the stops and detours that have led her to where she is today - and a future full of possibility. In her first ever Blog Rounds post, Lei Si talks about why she chose medicine and the "everything else" she wants to do now that she's found her life's calling.

Sometimes the choice of the road to take is dictated by circumstance, Fate, or some Unseen Hand. Abner Hornedo chronicles his meandering journey from choosing one specialty and ending up in another in Fate Sometimes Decides. In Megamom's Two or Three, she recalls making a major life decision influenced by her being a woman of science - but whose final outcome was wonderfully orchestrated by God. Ness, a practicing anesthesiologist, shares her experience as a doctor who studied nursing as a second course - but is still practicing medicine in the Philippines.

Sometimes we try to reassure ourselves that we are going the right direction by looking for "signs" along the way. Prudence blogs about the "signs" she has looked out for during her journey through medicine and wonders if they are really worth watching out for.

There are some whose paths have led them to where they feel they are meant to be and are content with the choices they have made. Doctor Joey, another ophthalmologist, talks about some of the major crossroads in her life and her satisfaction with their outcomes. In his post Babies, Bulbuls, and Bonsai Trees, Doc Noel learns of the joys of coming home and the freedom of starting his own private practice in General Santos City. Bone MD recounts his long arduous journey through medical school to starting his present practice as an Orthopedic surgeon in the hinterlands of Mindanao in Nowhere to Go But Up.

We cannot touch on the topic of the choices doctors make and not touch on the controversial diaspora of Filipino doctors to other lands. Often, medical workers are perceived as "the bad guy" in the deteriorating health condition of the country today without being given a chance to have their say. But why do doctors leave? Their stories may be different, but their reasons are surprisingly quite alike.

Dr. Doray of Doralicious is now serving as a councilor in Quezon City - but two years ago she was actually planning to train abroad. Tongue-in-cheek, she shares with us the plans she made then and the reasons behind them, before Fate stepped in and changed them all. With dry wit, RG recounts his impulsive choice to begin a new journey in the land Down Under and the reasons behind his decision in All is Quiet on New Year's Day. Another young MD, AnnKat, talks about how a change in plans does not equal a change of heart in Exodus. Finally, Dr. Martin Bautista, Filipino doctor and former senatorial candidate, blogs about his choice to train and start a practice abroad and how his experiences and his desire to serve have led him back home.

The theme "At a Crossroads" was a bid to uncover the people behind the white coat for non-medical readers while at the same time giving us medical people a common ground from where we can find new insights into our own lives through the experiences of others on the same journey. I hope that this collation of posts was able to do both.

Many thanks for participating - and see you next week at Doc Tes's place for TBR 4 with the interesting topic of The Doctor as Patient!


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Two Weddings and a Funeral

photo by annpar

To say that this past week has been an eventful one for me is king of understatement.

I attended the weddings of two good friends of mine, who, without consulting each other, scheduled their weddings only a week apart. In between these two weddings, I attended my mother's brother at his deathbed when he passed away from complications of lung cancer.

Having a ringside view to these major life events in such a short span of time has been exhausting and exhilarating, but a learning experience.

Both my friends M and K have love stories born from the unexpected - underscoring once more how life never fails to surprise. M's story began in the PGH delivery room, where she and her groom met while rotating in Obstetrics and fell in love while flirting over pregnant mothers in labor. K was reunited with the college sweetheart she broke with up after he left for the US with when she, in turn, chose to pursue her career there, too.

They were both beautiful and radiant brides, and anyone could see how happy they were as they began their new journey with their equally joyful husbands. It was a joy to watch them both surrounded by friends and family and blessed with the good wishes of everyone around them.

I realize, that for all my claims at cynicism, I am still a hopeless romantic and am counting on happily-ever-afters for both M and K. The gravity of the commitment they have made to their life partners is, to me, mind-boggling. The words, "To have and hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part" are easy enough to say, but they are much harder to stand by - as current divorce statistics painfully emphasize. But with love as their ballast, I am hopeful that both couples will go the distance.

I was witness to another kind of journey when my uncle, who was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer a few months ago, passed away en route to the hospital where we were bringing him for rapidly progressing pneumonia.

I was not very close to him, only seeing him a few times a year at best. But these past few months I have been, as the only doctor in the family, privy to the course of his illness and the difficult decisions his family has had to make because of it. While they were sad to see him go, it was equally difficult to see him as a pain-filled shadow of the man he was. They had decided early on that there would be no aggressive measures to revive him when the time came.

As a doctor, I have lost count of the number of times I have attended dying patients. We are no strangers to death nor grief. But I cannot begin to describe how I felt as I listened to the last faint beats of his heart until it finally stopped or when I had to break the news to the family that he was gone. Their grief was tempered by the relief of knowing that he was no longer suffering, and I saw once more the serenity that follows gracefully letting go.

But what struck me most was how each person's milestone event is a wonderful place to see love in all its forms - between parent and child, sisters and brothers, friends, lovers... and, for those who believe, the God's love that threads through it all. Whether it is a birth or a death, an ending or a beginning, a welcome or a farewell, these occasions celebrate love in action.

These milestones are reminders that Life is fleeting and frail, change its only constant companion, and that we must grab joy as it comes. But in the face of it all, we are reminded that love endures - and we are blessed to be rich with it.

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The Blog Rounds Visits the Middle of Nowhere

The Blog Rounds, a blog carnival for Filipino medical bloggers, will be coming to my middle of nowhere next Tuesday, April 1st, at 12am (Philippine Time).

As doctors, nurses, or members of the allied medical professions, we have all had to make hard choices in the course of our career. Our professions, being often tightly bound to who we are, in one way or another influence the paths we choose to take. Coming to a crossroads in our lives is an experience that we are all familiar with, yet at the same time something that is very unique and personal to each one.

The theme for TBR 3 will be "At a Crossroads."

Whether it is a choice between leaving the country or staying where you are, to give up one dream for another, to change directions of your career or to continue coming to work every day, I encourage you to share your crossroad experience with us.

If you've already come to a major crossroads in your life and chosen a path, why did you make that choice? Why did you take that road? How did your choice affect your life as you live it today? Do you have any regrets or what-might-have-beens? If you're just coming to it in your life, what has brought to you there? What are you struggling with and why?

These are just some of the many questions that we grapple with at these points in our lives - I'm sure there are more you can think of and answer as you tell your stories.

Posts may be in any form - even photoblogging or artwork is acceptable, as long as the photo or artwork was by you and is in keeping with the theme! I don't mind if your post wasn't written specifically for this blog carnival, as long as it fits the theme of the week. The more spontaneous, the better. :) Please email the URL of your post to dr[dot]clairebear[at]gmail[dot]com on or before March 31, 12nn. The other guidelines for submission are over here. (For those of you who are not very familiar with the concept of a blog carnival, the collated links will appear in a post similar to this one or my post on Single Pinay MD's.)

I chose this theme because I felt it was time we explored the more human side of being in our line of work. I really hope that more bloggers will participate in this coming week's Blog Rounds. I am certain that in this all of us have something to share, to learn, and to teach.


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A Night in the Bitter Barn

this photo uploaded by Carhan on Flickr

You know that your family is desperate for you to get off the road to spinsterhood (a.k.a. matandang dalaga in Filipino) when you're told the following in the same mortifying conversation -

"Dapat naman kasi mag-ayos-ayos ka na, para naman mapansin ka. Papayat ka na kasi!" (You really should fix yourself up so that men will notice you. Lose weight!) - my mother.

"Pinagdadasal ko na nga sana naman makahanap na ng boyfriend." (I've been praying that you would finally find a boyfriend.) - a meddling aunt.

"Wag ka mag-alala, pag pumunta ka doon amin yung pinsan mo madami mga kaibigang lalaki, sasabihan na namin ipakilala na sa iyo." (Don't worry, if you come to visit us, your cousin has a lot of male friends, we'll tell her to introduce you.) - a sympathetic, if tactless, uncle.

All this is punctuated by an exchange of worried glances, the meaning of which they might as well have screamed, Poor child. What the heck is WRONG with her? There must be something we can do!

It's bad enough that I know they talk about the barren wasteland that is my love life behind my back. That they have now begun expressing their unsolicited opinion about my singlehood to my face underscores the depth of their concern. And the fact that my mother is encouraging any and all of her relatives to please find her eldest, aging daughter a date is enough to make me want to sink through the floor.

It doesn't seem that long ago when my well-meaning relatives - most specially my mother - were telling me to put any thoughts of a love life in the backseat. Be a good girl and concentrate on my studies first, they said. You'll have time for romantic pursuits when you're older, they said. Concentrate on the more important things first. Yeah, right.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them for my state of singleness - the reasons for this particular state of my life is multi-factorial. I just find it painfully funny that they are now desperately seeking my Mr. Right after all those years of praying I wouldn't find him just yet. You know, because of all the things I had to take care of first (i.e. getting my medical degree, finishing residency).

Now they think that just because I've finally gotten everything else out of the way, it's high time I started looking for a - you guessed it! - potential husband. News flash, folks - most of the men in my age group are already married, are soon-to-be-married, or are wonderful and gay. Men do not grow on trees, and, even if they did, I am not the kind of woman who could happily pick them up and go my merry way. If only it were that easy...

Apparently, my family has never heard of the saying, "Be careful what you wish for."

Remember when I said that my degree of optimism about being a quirkyalone waxes and wanes? Well, today it's definitely on the wane. I can't lie and say I've never wanted all those things they want for me for myself - because I have. And, believe me, I've whipped myself about it and guessed and second-guessed some more about what I did or what I didn't do to end up alone like this. I guess love just comes hard for some people. Or it just doesn't come at all.

It's hard enough to battle with the demons of self-doubt and the fear of never finding anyone to share my life with without having to add their voices to the mix. I love them and I know they mean well, but sometimes I really wish they would just leave me alone.

Looks like I'm sleeping in the bitter barn tonight. Someone please throw me a rope and help me get out of here.


* * * *

"Oh the fear I've known -
That I might reap the praise of strangers
And end up on my own
All I've sown was a song
But maybe I was wrong...

... I'm working through the grammar of my fears
oh mercy,to have the things that mean the most
Not to mean the things I miss..."

- Language or the Kiss - Indigo Girls



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Confessions of a Sleepwalker

When my friend, Ei, invited me to attend a dinner meeting with her friends from Team RP, the first thing I asked her was, "What the heck am I going to do there?"

In this aspect of our personalities, Attorney E and I are polar opposites. What she has in idealism, I make up for in cynicism. Her passion for involvement in issues of national importance is equally matched by my shrug-it-off apathy. I was never the type to take strong stands on national issues.

Don't get me wrong, I do try to keep abreast of what's going on. I believe in trying to do my share - just not in this way. I may vent my frustrations from time to time about the country's downward spiral and dismal prospects, but most of the time, it feels like I am looking in on someone else's nightmare.

They just wanted ideas, she said. I was baffled - what kind of ideas would these quintessential idealists want from someone so far removed from all of these things? Despite my misgivings and having no clear idea what to expect, friendship and curiosity prevailed. After all, I was in between jobs and had nothing better to do. Besides, I needed to eat.

During pre-dinner coffee, Ei put me up to speed on what Team RP is and what they were working towards. I agreed with everything she was telling me, but it still didn't get what she needed me there for. It wasn't until she started talking about the need to tap the potential of the silent young professional demographic that I got my lightbulb moment.

Oh. She meant me. Me, and the rest of the "me's" in the Me Generation.

All of us "me's" have a lot of excuses, but stripped of all the details, they all sound the same.

"I'm too busy with my work and figuring out how to get my life really started."

"While I am confronted daily by the evidence that the system is in need of change, I don't see how I can do anything about it. I'm just a (insert your profession here). I'm not really in a position to anything. That's what all the activists are for. These things are beyond me. I can help in some other, less frustrating way."

"The one and only time I went into the streets to effect change - EDSA DOS - things just took a turn for the worse. What would make this time any different?"

"I know there's much to be changed, but sometimes that's just the way things are. People will always stay the same - it's hopeless, so why should I bother? I have better things to do with my time."

Despite my well-entrenched stand on apathy, before I fully realized what was going on, I found myself exchanging ideas about ways to wake up my "me generation" with Ei and her other very involved friends, over red curry and bagoong rice. And very slowly waking up to the possibility that there really could be something I can do to make change come sooner than later, no matter how small.

One cannot find answers to the questions "What real difference can I make? What can I do to bring about change?" if one never asks them. In a lot of ways I've been sleepwalking as a Filipino citizen most of my adult life - partly because I didn't know I could do more, but mostly because I never really tried to find out if there was anything more I could do.

I'm asking them now. The sleepwalker is finally waking up.

Just imagine what answers our "me generation" might come up with if we all woke from our jaded sleep together.


* * * *

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

* * * *

Moving Beyond Asking to Doing:

"Team RP is an organization of youth leaders and young professionals who working together for Truth, Accountability and Reform in our country. We are part of the Buong Bayan Isinisigaw Tama Na, Itama Na (BUSINA) Movement. We believe that complaining and lambasting our leaders is not enough but we should proactively work towards finding concrete ways to help solve our present problems.

As such, Team RP believes that issues should always take precedence over personalities thus, our programs and activities are always geared towards helping build our democratic institutions and furthering the development of every Filipino. If you want to know more about Team RP or join Team RP, please email us at team.rp.official@gmail.com"

Team RP Press Statement
A Petition for a Freedom of Access to Information Law
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I Won?

Have you ever won anything from a raffle?

I have a long history of having absolutely no luck when it comes to winning raffle contests. I never win. Never. As I child I remember spending hours filling out booklets upon booklets of raffle coupons my parents would redeem after their weekly grocery shopping for supplies - and I never won a single thing even once. Apparently my mother knew something I didn't - that the exercise was a waste of time - which is why she left all the filling out to me and my sister.

My rotten batting average with raffles extends to even those giving away door prizes at a party. You know the kind where you put your name inside a fishbowl as you enter a Christmas party? I never won in any of those things either. There was one party I attended where only 5 of about 50 people DIDN'T get any sort of prize whatsoever. I was one of them.

Being naturally inclined to cynicism, I eventually reached the same conclusion, and sometimes even wondered if ANYONE really won - especially the retail store sponsored ones. Raffles were just a marketing ploy to get foolishly optimistic costumers to push their spending budget higher in order to get more tickets, for more chances to win the cash/car/house and lot/trip or whatever else they were giving away at the time. I was thinking that maybe all those winners - since we never really got to see them anyway - were just a figment of retailers' imaginations. So I'd end up half-heartedly filling up coupons and dropping them in drop boxes... then absently chucking out the stubs.

But that attitude is about to change because - get this - I finally won!



Okay, okay... so it's not a car or a house or a trip. It's a bottle of Red Jeans Verseace perfume. Well, it was a raffle from the women's accessory section of a small department store near my house so the prizes weren't anything big - but that's beside the point. The perfume can smell like gasoline, for all I care, but the point is that I won. I won! I finally won something from a raffle. People actually win these things after all.

My mom already mentioned it to me this morning, but I was half asleep when I got the message and didn't quite believe her. The registered letter arrived this afternoon, have a look see:



It's true! My losing streak has finally been broken! And I am now a BELIEVER. Now only if my romantic losing streak were as easy to break, I'd be sublimely happy. But maybe the fact that my luck has turned is a good omen for other good things to come. Maybe.

Okay, I'm going to have to find that stub now... due to my oh-whatever attitude I had been using it as a bookmark for one of the paperbacks I brought with me to Amanpulo last week. I think the last time I saw it was on my quarters' apartment floor... uh-oh. Maybe I should just get started on that affidavit of loss.

Do you have any retail raffle-winning experiences? Let's make believers out of these cynics, people!
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