Friday, December 26, 2008

Proud of Me

It's been almost exactly a year to the day that I wrote about my decision to defy gravity. I remember the terror of standing in front of the gaping Unknown and gathering whatever courage I could muster to prepare for that unprecedented leap.

It's a huge leap for anyone to make. But for someone who is as resistant to change, security-loving, and approval-seeking as I am, doing this in defiance of all that was sensible and practical and SAFE... it's beyond describing.

It's only on hindsight that I realize just what a leap of faith I took. Not only did I get off the safe and straight road I wasn't sure I still wanted to be on, but I traded the security of home and family for life on my own in a city where I knew no one, to which I came with literally only the clothes in my suitcases and a lot of hopes and prayers.

I guess I didn't recognize just how trapped and unhappy I was in my life back home - even if I had almost everything I needed and my life seemed to be on the right track - until I found the gumption to just make that change.

I was right. Having made one brave choice in defiance of what is expected, everything else has followed.

So here I am. I'm not just surviving - I think I can say I'm thriving. And I can say with certainty that, despite my being away from all that is familiar, despite still not having a plan, despite still not knowing how far I still have to fall - I am most definitely so much happier.

Over the past few weeks, I've had several conversations with good friends who have known me for years, heard me complain about the rut I'd stuck myself in, and encouraged me to take the drastic steps I needed to get out of it. And in as many conversations, they've all told me the same thing - that they're proud of me. Not just of what I've done so far, but because I'm making an effort to open up my life to even more possibilities.

It's heartening and touching to know that they see a change, continue to believe in me, and are totally behind what I'm doing - even if I really have no idea just what it is I'm doing at the moment. Their belief and encouragement help firm up my conviction that, hey, I guess I should be proud of me, too.

Because a year later, I'm still flying. And at this point? I can't see any end in sight.

I can feel it. It's going to be another great year.

7 comments:

Em Dy said...

Go, Claire, soar!

Abaniko said...

Claire, you remind me of one of my favorite sayings (and I don't remember if I mentioned it on this blog already):

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar!
- Helen Keller

Hats off to you! I admire your audacity. Your story is very inspiring!

Be happy always and keep flying!

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp or what's a heaven for?"
- Robert Browning

Merry Christmas to you, Claire!

rayms said...

hey mother! we're all proud of you. i think all of us made decisions that can change our lives together.

kung makakuha ka ng lalake dyan, we are going to be prouder!!!=)

OMG... naririnig ko si Gerome kumakanta ng Defying Gravity :p

ness said...

I'm proud of you, too! Go, girl.

Manggy said...

You're darn right you should be proud of yourself! No room for self-doubt any longer, I hope :)

Mari said...

It's your time. :)

merry christmas!

dr_clairebear said...

thank you, thank you everyone!

i don't know if you guys all realize how much i appreciate all the encouragement that i get from you guys as much as i do from my non-on-line friends. but i really, really do!

and i'm so glad for you guys, even if most of you i've never even me. my blog buddies have been among the best gifts this exciting out-of-the-box year has given me.

happy new year, all! may the coming year be as exciting and as exhilarating for you as this past year has been for me. :) blessings be to all of us!