Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Crappy Birthday to Me

I'll be honest, it's been very hard to celebrate today. Today began in a particularly craptastic fashion, what with flunking a practical driving test after I took leave especially so I could take it. (Don't ask.) A fairly minor mishap in the greater scheme of things, but on top of growing a year older, all alone and far away from all the people I would want to celebrate with... the end result wasn't pretty.

It's so much easier to wallow. But as a wise friend recently told me, the only person who can create joy for me is me... and it's something that I have to work on, as well, for the sake of my sanity. And I figured I'd start by trying to change my perspective - at the very least of this day.

On the upside, I did get a whole lot of Facebook greetings from friends from afar, a few unexpected phone calls, and a pizza and pavlova dinner surprise from my surrogate family in Perth to sort of make up for the disaster that was my birthday. In the light of all that, despite my downward spiral into stress-induced depression, things weren't quite so bad.

It's a common wisdom that one of the most effective ways to get a better perspective on life is to celebrate all the things one should be grateful for. Given my propensity for utter negativity these days, I figured tonight - on the eve of yet another birthday - I would make an effort to celebrate the things that I am grateful for.

Here's my (very random) list!

- Both my parents, alive and reasonably healthy, albeit hundreds of miles away
- A warm and supportive extended family, both here in Aussie and in Manila
- A group of friends in my adopted city that has become my family away from home
- A growing number of godchildren!
- A full-time job that lets me earn a decent living
- Having a decent place to stay for a bargain price!
- Living near the water (something I have always dreamed of doing)
- being reasonably healthy - if not as fit as I was a few months ago
- Being alive.

Yes, I have quite a bit to be grateful for.

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Monday, May 10, 2010

When It Rains...

I seem to have lost Girl Power Claire somewhere along the way about six months ago, and I've been struggling to find her ever since.

To be fair, I have had quite a lot to deal with these past few months. You would think that after having pulled myself up by the roots to move to an entirely new country, everything else would be a piece of cake... NOT! I don't know, maybe the pressure of a new job just doesn't agree with me. Maybe I'm just not very good at dealing with change.

Or maybe, deep down inside, I am really just a Type B kind of person playing at being a Type A lunatic.

It doesn't help that at this point, I'm still so muddled about what it is that I really want. It's hard to motivate yourself to a course of action when you're not very clear on what your motives are.

What the heck am I doing here and what am I doing it for?

I feel bad about whining when in reality I am pretty lucky to be where I am... but sometimes, being lucky is relative. All I know is that these days, it seems that all there is is rain... and it's pouring pretty darn hard.

Okay, rant over.


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